today is really not a bad day.
Felt all the emotions today.

:)

Finally met th new coach.

First Impressions:
Thrower : Sa qi so lihai. Fierce. Strict.
Jumper : Friendly, Fun, Caring.

:D

After I got to know them..
Thrower : Fun, Funny, Caring, Strict, Straight Forward, Suitable for our age group, Thinks like me.

=DD

Jumper : Nice, Fun, Down To Earth, Caring, Father Figure lol.

;E

Things I Realized..
Dont judge a person by 1st impressions.
Get to know them first.

=]

&&,

Baboon is always high on weekends lol.
Seriously.
Highhness. :D

i l0ve moi new c0aches.
=]

i feel l0ving t0day.


Ngehh..!
Split Personalities..?
Hmm. :O

why do people talk without thinking..? Don't they know that other people have feelings too? I'm so fed up about this. I know I'm big sized like a gorilla. Don't rub it in. Why weren't I just born a friggin boyy? It would make life much easier. Why am I a girl..? Troublesome. Since young ive wondered why I am born. And up till now, I do not know..

What's the whole friggin point of this?
When I was young,
everyone expected me to be a boy.
But I came out a girl.
I was girly at first.
Then i became boyish.
THen eventually weird.

Am I straight or not?
I dont know.
Im confused.

I dont know what am I.
Neither a boy nor girl.
A monster.

Today is a miserable day for me.
to be mocked.
stupid javelin.
to be looked down upon.
stupid leg.
to be laughed at.
stupid me for being big sized.

i am not good in my education.
i am not good with people.
i am not good with understanding others.
then?
what am i good at?
Sports?
i dont think so.
i have no even reached the goal my coach has given me.
i am a failure.

but i cant quit.
i cant go away.
im bring controlled.
i wanna fade away and be no one.
but i also wanna be known.
i hate this phase.

i thank God for letting a freak of nature like me to be alive.
i thanks Ms.Jill for helping me today when th books fell and others laughed.
i thank Dato Fong for believing in me and saying that I can throw Javelin and saying that I could run even though it was a lie.
i thank some of my RRSS family for believing in me.
I thank my own family for being proud of me for being a loser.
I thank my "brothers". never forget, together we are sky land and sea.
i thank ZHANG DE XIANG jiao lian for always being patient with me and believing in me even though i disappointed him from time to time.


i know zai must be saying, me lehh..? didnt compete blah blah blah but i have a goal and up till now i havent achieved it. i am not getting any younger. i have to try, and i am. but it really isnt easy.

but some people just cant understand me..

im not so stupid as to not know what youre talking about.
im not what you expect me to be.
im not hard inside and out.
im weird.
that i know and accept.
but you have to know how to watch your tongue.
im very conscious about my weight and size.
but i dont have the will to stop it.

when there's a will there's a way.
when the will is dead, the solution is dead too.

suan wo xi huan le cuo ren bah.
suan wo sha ying wei wo dang ni shi wo ou xiang.
suan wo ben ying wei wo pei fu guo ni.
suan wo mei yong ying wei wo mei ting zhang jiao lian de hua. wo hai shi gai zhe xi huan ni.
xian zai wo hou hui le.
hou hui dao wo bu neng xiang qing chu le.

ke shi.
wo ke yi wang ji ni duo jiu ne?
wo zhen de..
mei yong..

with this,
i end my disasterpiece.

sighh.
i dont know why everyone is getting angry at me these few days.
i really dont know what i did thats so wrong.
little little things and youre all angry eid.
take today for instance,
someone was doing gym then we were saying stuff like,
'I'm th champion I'm th champion' repeatedly..
Just to kacau her lha.
then she just puts everything down and shows us the face.
i asked her if she was angry,
she just said 'WHAT?!' in a shouting manner.
WAHKAO!!
i also felt shocked and a little pissed off.
i mean..
WTH man.
cause of this then so angry eid?

whoa!
pro man!
so this is what friends are made of.

got lagi some..
no reason marah.
i call,
x even wanna look.


*sighhs*

i am really hating this part of my life right now.
everyone who seemed perfect and understanding,
turns different in th blink of an eye.

i dont know if its me.
but suddenly,
the skies of my world begin to blacken again.
colourful rainbows turns to dark grey clouds raining above my head.

I am really feeling stressed out right now.
if it weren't for some people this afternoon,
i don't think i could stay like how i am now.

So,
I thank you guys.
Thanks for being there for me.
thanks for understanding.
and thanks for making me smile.
and thank you for showing me you cared. =]

wakao~
now i know how laura feels like without technology.
haha.
phone no credit,
laptop rosak.
seii ahh.
only TV.
when i come home also got people hogging the remote so i cant change th channels.
grrr~

Anyways,
Dear blog,
someone somewhere did something that someone, me and another someone, xiao wei, really angry as someone, marinabay, made up a friggin fake story and ALL the blame was on us.

It's unfair.
It really is.
Just cause you have the authority,
It doesnt mean that you should misuse it.

I'm so disppointed in YOU!
that other someone.
How could you help her?!
How long have you known us?!
You should know better than to hurt us like this.
HMPH!
BETRAYAL!

anyways,
marinabay.

i know you were voted best teacher and all..
but F*** it! That was in another school.
This is RRSS not your old f****ing school with bullshit kids who dont stand up for themselves and let an old hagg like you pick on them.

We have rights.
You know the true story.
You told Mr.R that we were making stories.. ?!

HAH!
BOLLOCKS!!
Who's the one who made up stories?!
Who's the one who made our lives so screwed up we almost lost the elgibility of studying?!
Who's the one who accused us of saying that being an athlete is great?
HUH?!
WHO WAS IT?!

IT WAS YOUU!
BITCH!

Do you know how it feels like..?
Do you know what it's like to be accused and have no chance of speaking?
Do you know what its like to be called a liar by a LIAR?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL?!

we didnt raise our voice at you.
you shouted at us.
you mocked her laughter.
i talked softly you said i turned away and ignored you.
you said that we werent gangsters.
WHAT IF WE WERE? YOUD BE DEAD NOW!
you said that the way i normally walked was rude.
you said that my tone was rude.
and that OTHER SOMEONE SHOUTED AT ME!
WHY?!
ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!
YOU!!
YOU CAUSED ALL THESE HATRED!!


I know that im only 86% made up of hatred.
thanks for filling it up.
i am now a hater.
do you know how it hurts when its enough hearing people talk bad about th person you care about and still have to agree that its true but still love him?
Do you know how much it stings to see that person's face so angry?
DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW MUCH IT PAINS ME TO SEE HIM ANGRY AND SHOUTING AT ME?!
DO YOU KNOW THAT HE HAS NEVER SHOUTED AT ME EVEN WHEN HE'S ANGRY?!
DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT?!

DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM RIGHT NOW?
DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW HOW MUCH IM SUFFERING?!
IM STRESSED ENOUGH YOU WHORE!!
WHYD YOU HAVE TO ADD IT IN!!

IVE GOT STUDIES AND SPORTS AND NOW THIS!
MACIBAI NOW CONDUCT D AND I ALMOST GOT SUSPENDED!
YOU LOVE THIS DONT YOU!
FINE~!

AFTER THIS SUKMA.
IF I AM NOT CHOSEN..
THEN SO BE IT!

I AM NEITHER A THROWER NOR AN ATHLETE ANYMORE.

BE HAPPY WITH YOUR DEEDS SCUM!
I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU LIKE IVE NEVER FORGOTTEN MADAM MONI FROM PRIMARY SCHOOL!


I BID TO YOU..
FAREWELL AND GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THE HARD SHIPS YOULL SOON BE HAVING.

Ren Bu Ke Mao Xiang. [Chinese]
Don't judge a Book by it's cover. [English]

This phrase is really true.
You think you know someone well,
But in fact,
you only know a small part of that person.
Truths,
When revealed,
Is either Horrendous, or Delightful.

This truth I found out,
Is a little puzzling and disappointing.
Nothing that any of you should know.
But I really am shocked.

On to a different topic,

Yesterday,
Baboon treated me really nice.
I have no idea why either.
At first I would've expected myself to melt..
But surprisingly,
I didn't..
I was just.. well, Normal.
Maybe feelings really can fade away..
Hmm[?]

On the way back,
Some basketballers kept screaming my name for God knows why..
One person was 3 pointing and then they were shouting..
'Cassandra! Cassandra! Cassandra! Cassandra!'

i only looked for a second then ignored.

The day before that,
they were doing something different.
As I walked back they were saying,
'nehh! the shotput one a!'
blah blah blah.

another =.= moment.

Neways,
Fun Times would be..
calling my beloved coach everyday. ^^
&&
Playing Under the rain with mr.Apekz! [This really releases stress! TRY IT! ]

PICTUREs!
apekz and the bucket of rain water.
apeks = LOSER!
Apekz.
Camwhoring under the rain. I know, Weird!

scooping water from ze hole.
no idea what he's doing.. ==
walking to get th bucket.

btw,

We even had a competition!
Mudman competition. =DD
*wondering what's a mudman? Well, ever heard of a snowman? here's our mudman!"
xDD

Please Vote!
VS.
Thomas Apekkeng's Mudman. Cassandra's Mudmanthingybeetleperson.


Click To Enlarge The Pictures !

Thank You !


p/s:
i miss and love you, jiao lian.
Forever in my heart,
you are special. <3

Say it isn't so!!
Don't tell me that I've been lying to myself.
Don't tell me that even if it's true that these feelings faded,
It's coming back again..

No!

I shouldn't be jealous that he cares so much about her!
I shouldn't be so excited when he talks or plays around with me.
He's doing mind boggling things which he knows I can't resist.
No!!

Stop It !!

I can't fall for you..
Not again..
After all the hardships I've been through to forget you.
Not now..
Of all times.
No!

I can't let all my efforts go to waste.
I must forget you and focus.
I must train hard and never give up!
Thank you Thomas.
At least you did something right.

P/S:
If You hate me,
Tell Me.
If You Hate Me,
Don't hang out with me.
Don't wear a mask thats translucent.

i do not know why.
i do not know how.
i had no right.
i had no reasons.

I'm still wondering..
Did I do that to please my coach or for my friends?
Did I really forget you?
Or Am I just doing this to please others.

Nevertheless,
Your tactic works..
Time && Time again.
You know that I'm ignoring you and here you go again...
Talking to me and trying to make me like you more.
I'm sorryh Mr.Baboon.
I can't say that I totally cancelled out my feelings for you..
But,
I am not all about you anymore.
The season of you,
Is Over..
'FINALLY, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY!" says Lu See with her hands up in the air clutched into fists flinging it up and down with a very victorious face.


I feel regretful though..
i know that,
no matter how you feel about me,
what I did would hurt anyone.
Even a friend.

You showed your caringness for me because mr. Apekz(Thomas),
left the whole bucket filled with discus for me to carry back to the gym while he(Mr.Apekz),
walked all the way back without anything in his hands except his belongings which were his bottle and watch. [wth!!] yeahh.. I was left with my own bag and approximately 14kg's of things in the bucket.

Yea..
THOMAS THEN SOON CHUAN,
IS NOT A GENTLEMAN!

Anyways,
As I was saying,
Mr.Baboon followed me to pick my bag up.
Then,
He was saying something like,
'Why is a girl doing all this lifting? Shouldn't it be a guys' job? Where is he? *turns to the back to see Thomas then continues talking* I really look down on guys who aren't a gentlemen. * as he was talking, I was shouting at Thomas saying that he sucks for letting me carry it all* bla.. bla.. bla..

Then,
me and coach gao were walking behind whilst Mr.Baboon walked right in front of us.
Then,
Gao Jiao Lian said " You Ren Guan Xin Ni O~ *grin grin*"
Loudly, I replied, " Hah! Wo Bu Yong de! "

Mr.Baboon turned to the back awhile and gave a kinda sad expression.
*then he never talked to me nemore*

I think..
he got my message..
But,
I was still in the wrong to hurt his feelings.
Yeaa..
He doesn't mean that much to me nemore..
But still, something.